For those of you unfamiliar with Robin: he was "feared by the bad and loved by the good, Robin Hood. Robin Hood. Robin Hood." Well done Robin.It Is Early In May: SINGLE OF THE WEEK ON XFM BREAKFAST SHOW:
That's right. XFM, which would be known as London's "King of Swing Station" if it played swing rather than alternative, has been playing La Breeze on heavy rotation. They're singing and laughing and dancing along. They are merry over it. Giddy with joy. Blown away. It's on sale in shops later this month and will feature the usual raft of knock-your-mittens-off b-sides.Perhaps you'd like to listen to Simian's XFM session? Hmmn? You'll find it right HERE. It features La Breeze, Never Alone, In Between and Sunshine. Hurrah meets hooray in a flurry of electronic notes.
Timeless: OLD TIMER PICTURE: Anyone wishing to spend time fondly recollecting the early Simian artwork could go and play on this board where, way back in the far off days of late 2002 folks were arguing over the genesis of odd animals collected from the internet.
25TH APRIL, 2003 JAFFA SETTLEMENT Over on the boards - round about here - they've been asking searching questions about Simian and Jaffa Cakes.
Note: the above Jaffa cakes hail from somewhere in Eastern Europe, we believe. If anyone cares to enlighten us about their precise global orange/chocolate/sponge origin, whack it on the board please.
Jaffa Cakes are NOT biscuits. Nor are they to be confused with the wonders of Cape Jaffa (see below).
Behold - lovely Cape Jaffa. With an oilrig on it.Here is Simon enjoying a whole pack of Jaffa Cakes when he should be singing the sweet songs to an audience.
See how his lips are pursed and eyes shut as he waits, intent on the next round cakey treat tumbling from its cellophane sleeping bag into his tummy. Yum! Double extra yum!
23RD APRIL, 2003 LIVE! HOT! IN THE UK! That is correct, dear friends. As you will have seen in the Fund Raisers chapter of this esteemed information almanac, Simian are playing some live dates within the boundaries of the United Kingdom.
Your eyes do not deceive you. They're not singing in Sweden nor are they crooning to the good people of Colorado. They're home. The first gigs will be in London on Wednesday 30 April and Thursday 1st March. Then onto Glasgow, Edinburgh, Manchester, Cardiff and Nottingham. Mmn. That's a tasty spread.
The twig below enables the winning of very free tickets! Use it and cross your fingers. There will be more twigs about the mini-tour on this Log soon.
22ND APRIL, 2003: WIN TICKETS. WIN TICKETS. WIN. Answer a question. The question is easy. You are likely to get it right. If you are unable to answer, you are perhaps suffering the chronic-indecision blues. Seek help, or play a yellow record.
To attempt to win a ticket for the London Cargo Show, occuring on Thursday 1st May, click your mouse-nose HERE.
APRIL SOMETIME TOP FOURTEEN FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND THEIR ASSOCIATED VEGETATION
| Sleepy | Moss |
| "Just been paid" | Mint leaf |
| "I must be strong" | Spinach |
| Thinking about Liverpool | Apple |
| Liver trouble on my mind | Lily |
| "I miss the old pubs" | Pine tree |
| "I live!" | Olive |
| Eyes are dry | Grass |
| "Please pass it to me" | Seaweed |
| Wondering about summertime | Cucumber |
| Soho here I come | Passion Fruit |
| "I needed to sit down" | Satsuma |
| "Are we still friends?" | Palm Tree |
| This is foolishness | Log |
1ST APRIL, 2003 SIMIAN QUIT MUSIC TO HUNT FUR IN THE FAR NORTHERN PLACES Shock horror! Simian have left England to begin a new life as fur trappers in the great Canadian wilderness. Wearing scuba gear and taking only boiled sweets and smoked chicken salad for grub, they loaded themselves into a giant kettle, aiming to travel the long distances by the process of evaporation.
They were successful, and condensed somewhere near Edmonton, Canada earlier this afternoon. They proceeded to dance with wild abandon, naked as the day they were born, as free as the day their father's were born. Then off they hiked, renouncing the world of music for a life of ice-holes, snares and fir trees.
The picture below demonstrates how their evaporation transportation worked. Band goes into kettle, band becomes steam, band is blown as vapour across the seas to Canada.
This is not true and yet you believed it all! Hook, line and sinker! For it is April Fool's Day, dear Friends! Simian are dry and living in East London, probably preparing for a short tour and some DJ gigs.
Learn your foolish history: here.
Or here if you prefer to know about the fish. Caution: this site features images of twisted porcelain doll figurines. They may induce nausea, or a collector's fervour. Either way: bad.
.: NOTICE :. Check back here within the next few weeks - Simian UK live dates shortly to be announced! Woo!
27TH MARCH 2003: S.F Here is Alex. He is swollen to gigantic size. His elbow rests on the grey dust of the moon's surface. His left foot is being singed by the sun. He stands, slightly sweaty as he floats adrift in space, dwarfing the planets. The solar system is a brief swim. The universe's entire span is a single day's walking. Colliding comets are mosquito bites. The frozen surface of Pluto is a snowball to throw at Orion's Belt.
What is he thinking? Does that look suggest Latin America is about to become a teatime snack? If you belive you know how to read the body language of enormous space-dwelling bassists, take it to the board.
PS: thank you very much, Nice Man Fan - the Simian Friendship Society's Scissor-Usage Working Group enjoyed your photographology. Then we pilfered it.
24TH MARCH 2003: HEAT AND GRASS COINCIDE: COINCIDENCE OR NOT?
If you were in England, lying underneath a cloudless bit, you'll have felt the heat and light and general joy of summer on Sunday. Your humble Society Secretary took the Society's Damp-o-meter to a neatly clipped lawn besides a river and took readings: dry and springy, with only limited residual moisture! Summer is coming, Simian are tucked up in East London shaking the American snows out of their boots and it's all nice, it's all good.But heat and grass meeting in March? In England? With April, the meanest, lowest, cruellest month still to come? Can this be coincidence? Witness Simon celebrating the fine weather wearing his favourite kitten. Do you believe yet? Do you?
Will you welcome in the summer and treat felines with a friendly wig-substitution?
SPOTTED, MARCH 2003: CANADIAN MTV LOVES LOG: Yes, that's right, Canada loves Simian and loves Log also. Study the picture using all your functional eyes and you will see the monitor is displaying Log! Oh craven joy and sweaty bliss! They are playing the Genus Game (the answer was: Jas is not an owl, if you recall).
Canada is now very much in the Society's Good Book. Canada, should it ever grow too sunshiny and hot due to global warming, can put its arctic bears in the Society's backyard where it is bleak and icy (in a nice way) for precisely 6 months of the year. Where the animals go come summertime is, frankly, Canada's problem. We can only do so much.Still, in the summertime the Society's backyard is full of dandelions, barbeque apparatus and redundant knitwear. This would make an ideal habitat for elks and short-haired huskies. How about it Canada? If things heat up we'll look after your beasts. We're that friendly.
19TH MARCH 2003 (PRE-EMPTIVE POST): SIMIAN SUPERPOWERS SPECULATION: The breeze is coming, there's no doubt about it now. Soon all your fears will be washed away and friendliness will regain its rightful stature as the Primary Force between strangers, aquaintances and long-time-friendlies alike.
But what will the breeze bring with it? The Superpowers Speculation Society (which holds fringe associations with the Friendship Society) believes that The Breeze will cause the Friendship Society's Resident Band to develop, well, superpowers. Their key predictions per band member are:
Drummer James - arms extend by seven meters. Eyes able to discern the magnetic force from a distance of twelve yards. Feet convert into mystical fighting koala bears at will.
Singer Simon - hair becomes a central part of the internet. Mouth is able to extinguish distant stars with a simple swallowing action. Forearms able to impregnate chaffinches and geese when they are bathed in warm water during The Breeze.
Keyboards Jas - cavity in his chest provides sanctuary for lost housekeys. The flaring of nostrils causes rusty iron to transform into durable plastic. All the power of glaciation, and the movement of ice flows in general, is dictated by the position of his legs in relation to the moon.
Bassist Alex - projects fireworks from his ears. A twitch of the eyebrows causes spontaneous translation of the globe's languages into an archaic version of Spanish. Bellybutton manipulation will warm the seas by 7 degrees.
Editor's note: the Superpowers Speculation Society chose to self-marginalise several years ago, when its habit of dancing the wild fandango at meetings led to outcry and disarray. Its findings should be taken with a pinch of salt, a grind of pepper and perhaps cumin or coriander.
THANKYOU, FRIENDLY: Your direction to this page touched the Society deeply. For five long minutes the room was filled with your internet. We hope the world treats you real nice.
17TH MARCH, 2003: WELCOME RETURN: Simian have left American and are back in the UK. It's goodnight Seattle, so long LA, toodle-pip snow-bound Boston and farewell Chicago. Thanks to everyone who made the American tour such a Good Fun Thing. The laughing and clapping and wiggling was much appreciated. Back soon!
LATER THAT SAME DAY: MEMORIES / ELASTICITY: Latest research from the Scientists demonstate that memory is elastic. The graph (shown below) demonstrates that whilst bad times may last a long time when you're in the middle of them, when the good times roll back in the length of the Bad Time is shortened dramatically in your recollection.
Thus it is possible to demonstrate that a very bad 15 days now will only be remembered, three years from now, as a slightly lousy week.
The Scientists now propose to use the elastic properties of memory in commercial products. Possible uses could include:
i) Using memory as the drawstring for your trousers
ii) Using old memories in the manufacture of crude catapults and hair ties
iii) Bungee jumping off high bridges, using only your memories to prevent you hurtling into the ground beneath you
3RD MONDAY IN MARCH: SEA OF HAPPY FACES: Look at the joy! Are you one of those happy faces? If you were, or are simply feeling very chirpy today, why not send us something pretty for the Special Friends section of the Society's site, hmmn? Historically the work you send us has been quite delicious and we are hungry for more.
Unusually straight-to-the-point and factual footnote: the photo above was taken from the drumkit at a gig in Chicago, USA.
11TH MARCH 2003: BAND STARE AND POINT: The city that lies beneath them is Seattle. See how the band stare and point? This has been caused by excitement, which can be quantified and processed with this old urban-facial equation: City Span x Novelty ÷ Band Members = Facial Expression Level.
A relatively low number of band members (four - count 'em) means that Simian achieve a high level of excitement when faced with a broad new view. Hence the smiles and, we can only presume, the whooping and hollering.
The Simian Friendship Society's Mathematicalisation Wing has been delighted to bring CS x N ÷ BM = F.E.L to your notice. In passing they point out that the view they're experiencing is from such a height that Simian are probably atop the building which forms part of the Frasier logo, as demonstrated below.
All praise the Mathematicalizers ability to calculate height without so much climbing a small oak tree. Bravo for them and the algebra they rode in on!
In fact, a brief google reveals that the building they're in is in fact the Space Needle. Links tell us that it was:
"built to tower over the site of the 1962 World's Fair. Down on the ground are the museums, shops and eateries of the Seattle Center -- worthwhile stops for any visitor -- but we strongly recommend a visit to the Observation Deck, 520 ft/158 m up. If the deck isn't surrounded by clouds, the views are astounding."
You can see it all for yourself, right here.
10TH MARCH 2003: FRIENDLIER WORM/LIFE-GAME DISCOVERY MADE: The following excerpt is brought to you by the .:Nokia/New-Zen:. Meditative Faction of the Simian Friendship Society. This thought took them seven weeks to concoct, and was funded by the sale of 37 albums:
"Ah, worm. Small pixel worm makes its way around the screen. The screen is a small mobile phone screen. Worm is hungry, must eat eat eat or nver be contented."
"But if worm eats and grows, his movement is restricted and he must writhe and contort to find his way to the next meal. Unhappy worm, and unhappy worm-master. Beads of sweat go 'drip drip drip' down the worm-master's forehead."
"Better then, perhaps, to feed worm just enough to enable worm to chase his own tail endlessly across the screen in a flat line. Worm is then as full as he can be without having to move all the time."
"Flat but moving line of worm speaks to the meditative faction of infinite space, the stillness behind ambition. We recommend that 238 points on top level may feed your worm sufficiently."
"When the worm is full, put down your phone and go outside. Enjoy whatever the weather is throwing down onto your face."
6TH MARCH 2003: IF YOU'RE GOING TO SAN FRANCISCO: San Francisco. What a lovely city it is. So nice with all that water to kiss up against.
San Francisco was originally named Yerba Buean "Good Herb". In 1769 the bay was renamed San Francisco Bay to honor the Franciscan Fathers who traveled north from Mexico to establish a string of Missions in California. This fact was brought to you by THE SIMIAN FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY'S HISTORICAL CHAPTER. The Historical Chapter consists of dusty individuals whose arms are made of soot and cobwebs but whose keen eyes can spot history trying to escape from the shelves. They are equipped with giant nets spun from the pubic hair of mice. These nets are used to try to capture the past as it makes a run for it out the Society's library doors.
*tangential spot* - the club Simian are playing in San Francisco (on Friday 7th March) was founded in 1931 by a man who appears to be the lovechild of Terry Thomas and Bruce Forsythe. Didn't he do well? You can appreciate his face here.
4TH MARCH 2003: ONE OF THESE IS NOT OF THE SIMIAN GENUS: But which? Look closely.
Can you tell? Thanks to the Simian fan whose site the Simian Friendship Society's Scissor-Usage Working Group pilfered the source image.
3RD MARCH 2003: LATEST FINDINGS OF THE FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY’S RESEARCH FACILITY: It’s a cold territory the band are driving through. At a more northern latitude than London, and at a time of year when winter is on the cusp of spring, the moisture in the air often rises, freezes and precipitates as snow. It must be beautiful: thousands of miles from home, driving through the darkness on the wrong side of the road as the snow comes in flurries across the plains. In London the snow settled for a few days this year - the pictures are online here. Everyone was much less grumpy and kids threw snowballs at strangers instead of empty cans and rotting twigs.
Bravo for snow! The friendliest state h2o exists in, according to the findings of the Simian Friendship Society Research Facility. Others may make the argument for steam: see steam-rooms, thermal lakes and tea-making for details. But no. The Society feels that of greater concern the igloos, snowmen and toboggan rides. Roll on jingle bells. Only 10 more months to Christmas! In the meantime just cross your fingers that the glass of water by your bedside has ideas above its station.
What do newly-set icecubes say to one another as they sit huddled up in the freezer? "When I grow up, or maybe in the next life, I’m going to be a chip on Torville and Dean’s ice-skates." Or perhaps, "I’m going to be the snowfall announcing the beginning of a better day in some big-budget Hollywood romantic comedy."
When it’s in snow form there’s no such thing as a miserable, introverted h2o molecule. Even when they’re heated up and dyed yellow, returning to their frozen brothers and sisters in a snowdrift behind a local bus shelter (where Simian are lined up peeing before re-boarding the bus for another long night’s journey across America): even then they’re excited. One moment h2o is crowding Alex’s bass-player’s bladder, the next moment it’s a yellow arc in the snow. And come springtime and the melt? Perhaps a long ride through the drains, moving slowly towards the ocean where the h2o molecules congregate in their countless joyous billions, mingling with the reefs and tickling the gills of very small silver fish. And one day - one fine day - perhaps evaporation and falling back to earth as snow once more.
It is for reasons outlined above that the Society’s Research Facility is able to declare snow the happiest state for a water molecule to exist in. If you wish to dispute this, take it to the guest speakers page.
27TH FEBRUARY 2003: SNOWFLAKES IN COLUMBUS: Tonight Simian are in the city of Columbus, in the American state of Ohio. Will it snow on their heads? Columbus is the 15th largest city in the USA. It has a very nice zoo. Perhaps you'd care to learn about one of the zoo's projects? They are trying to help our furry long-armed Simian friends. In this forest "the chimpanzees are completely "naive" and react to observers with curiosity and interest instead of fear and panic". Well done, chimpanzees. Long may you swing freely from the boughs without fearing unfriendliness from below.
24TH FEBRUARY 2003: THIS AIN'T A BOOK: Hello dear friend. You are tired of looking over your shoulder. It's too hard out there. So come inside. Here we will help you to unwind and unravel the good from the much less good. So, welcome. Come in and explore the work of The Simian Friendship Society. This is where isolation ends - all this was created for your happiness. It's nice to have you here.
2ND FEBRUARY 2003: HELLO AMERICA: Europe, say your goodbyes! Simian are removing themselves from their record-making nest in London. They are taking to the long dusty highways of America, zig-zagging their way across the continent from Feb 16th to March 18th.
Where will they be going? A list of their dates is available in the usual place on this site. If you find it hard to sleep without knowing precisely where Simian are spatially located, these pages will act as your lullaby.
Don't be alarmed. This is not a goodbye. They are simply paying an overdue visit to the North American Friends. They will return to play for Europe, just as soon as America has had a big fat slice of their sound. Everyone wants a piece. There is enough to go round. Try not to be so greedy.
The first date is in Philadelphia. The last date is in Los Angeles. In between: many miles of road, many gigs, hotdogs, a bit of Canada and the promotion of squeaky-clean European good manners. Come and visit the site again soon and we will tell you some stories.
1ST NOVEMBER 2002: WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS: Feel free to listen to all the tracks from 'We Are Your Friends' over here.
1ST NOVEMBER 2002: ACOUSCHTICK SESSION: Bring out the mandolins: Simian have gone acoustic for a BBC Collective session. They play "Sunshine" and then people ask them questions via the infoweb. And seeing as they're gentlemen, Simian answer many of these questions properly. Click this to hear them sing.
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